Last Thursday, I accepted my first job offer with Walmart Corporation in their Logistics Department!!! Words cannot express the amount of excitement I am experiencing. It is all kind of surreal in a sense. I am going to be an intern for 10 weeks in Los Lunas (basically Albuquerque), New Mexico. Now, this is truly spectacular. But I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t a little scared.

In essence, I am a homebody. I love living in a little nook. It doesn’t matter which little nook it is, but I like my certain space. With my coffee cups, and comfortable bed with mounds of pillows, with Tita sleeping on her blanket, and a mounted TV. I like having a little desk, with all of my pens, decorated pads of paper, picture frames, bulletin board, and comfortable chair. I like my bathroom counter to have ceramics, tooth brush holders, kitty ring holders, and warm towels. I like my jewelry boxes, with my incense by my bed, and 20 candles scattered throughout.

This may seem like, hmm sounds pretty spoiled to me. But that’s not what I’m trying to say. I just love comfort. It is my best environment.

Starting May 8, I am going to be completely thrown out of this comfortable environment for an entire summer. I am going to Hong Kong and Beijing for the first two weeks on a Global Supply Chain trip with TCU. Then, I’ll get back to the good ole U.S.A. on a Wednesday, pack up, and drive west to a place I have never been. Alone.

***

Connor is strongly thinking about accepting a job in Thailand, to teach students how to speak English. He is chasing his dreams of doing something he has wanted to do his entire life. To experience a foreign place, not knowing anyone, and not having a permanent home. He doesn’t really seem to be scared about this whole idea… Which is crazy to me. Because I’m really scared.

When I heard I was going to be relocated, I really didn’t think I was going to accept the job… I for one didn’t think my sweet momma was going to let me move to New Mexico by myself… But I also just didn’t know if I could handle it. So I thanked my interviewers for offering me the opportunity of a life-time, but told them I needed a couple hours to make my decision. I was offered to go to one of two locations: New Mexico or 45 minutes out of Lubbock, TX. (Let’s just say I knew immediately I wasn’t going to be living in Lubbock for 10-weeks). I shook their hands and hustled out of the building.

First, I called Connor. I was running wild not knowing what to do, telling him I didn’t know if I was going to take it because I was scared. I didn’t know anyone. How far is NM anyways? What am I going to do for 10 weeks?

He told me one thing: “Kendall, it’s a job. That’s what a job is. You get relocated and you’re not going to know anyone. Simple as that. Now this is a huge opportunity. Take it.”

Then I called my mom. She was SO happy. I mean after all, I was hired on-spot for a Fortune-ONE company, with the #13 Supply Chain in the entire world. There was really no way she couldn’t be happy. She was a little hesitant on New Mexico, and she told me to go to my adviser.

I walked in to Susan Sledge’s office, frantic that I had gotten the job. She gave me a huge hug and then we sat down together. I told her I didn’t know what to do. We talked for a while, going back and forth, and essentially she told me the following:

“You can do anything for 10 weeks. This is the opportunity of a life-time Kendall. You have a strong resume, but going into your senior year without a name brand on your resume is going to hurt you. Go to New Mexico. This is one of the best companies in the world that you could work for. Work hard. Read a lot. Watch your favorite shows. And get really really fit.”

So that was it. I did it. It’s kind of crazy, because for me, all I need is to get in the right mindset. It doesn’t matter how afraid I am. I am learning that my mind is truly the most amazing gift that God has ever given me. I can do anything for ten weeks.

***

Going into my junior year, I didn’t have any idea of what I wanted to do. I didn’t really like my business major anymore. I hated my sophomore year classes. I thought I wanted to completely change what I had always thought I wanted to do. But I still signed up for my classes, just as I had planned, and enrolled in something I had no idea about. Supply Chain Management. Everyone told me how much they hated the class, so I was a little hesitant the first day.

But I loved it. And I am really good at it, it turns out. My teacher and I immediately clicked and I started getting more and more confidence. Throughout the course of the semester, I started developing a game plan. I was driven again for the first time in college. While I always made good grades, it wasn’t like last semester. I fell in love with school again, which made every aspect of my life better and happier. I changed my major from Finance and Real Estate to Supply Chain at the end of the semester.

I really took a chance. Everyone told me I was crazy for doing that my junior year. “Why would you want to take supply chain?? Ughhhhh.” But that’s what made me happy at the time and I think it’s the best thing I have decided to do yet.

And that is the outlook I am trying to take going into this job in New Mexico. As I said before, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. I’m really afraid to be honest. But I think this will be yet another thing in my life that proves I am capable of anything. Anyone is capable of moving mountains, all you have to do is put your mind to it.

I really challenge anyone who reads this to push yourself. Make yourself extremely uncomfortable. Do something you didn’t think you could do before. Try something new. Go somewhere new. Eat something new. Make something new.  Meet someone new.

There are so many things in this huge, wonderful world. Try to experience as many things as you possibly can. And enjoy each and every minute. Don’t think about being away from your cozy nook. Don’t think about the parties you’re going to miss with your friends. Don’t think about the negatives. Because then the experience will be ruined.

Think about the beauty of that exact moment. Share it with someone you love. And love yourself for taking a chance, because there’s no beauty in life without a little risk. And I know I will thank myself for taking this chance in order to succeed, even if I do miss out on somethings in the short-run. The long-run is much more important.

“Making a big life change is really scary. But, know what’s even scarier? Regret.”

“A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” –Grace Murray Hopper

“It’s hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” –Theodore Roosevelt

Cheers!

Kendall

Have you ever had something that made you so afraid that your voice cracked, your hands shook, your palms filled with sweat, and you couldn’t keep a steady voice? Well, that’s me in a nutshell. Kind of a scardy-cat when it boils down to it. That is exactly what heights do to me.

I have been afraid of heights since I was a little girl. I can’t get on a bunk bed, certainly not a ladder, and you can simply forget a rock wall. The last time I got on a rock wall, I got about five feet off the ground and my whole body shutdown. I couldn’t move my hands, my vision starting going away, basically I had a full scale panic attack.

But you know what I did this weekend? I went fucking skydiving. And it was INCREDIBLE.

I don’t even know how I can begin to explain my experience. I decided about five months ago that this was what I was going to give Connor for Christmas. He’s pretty picky and kind of hard to pick out presents for, but he’s very unique in the fact that he’s adventurous. He always wants to do something thrilling. He loves everything from scuba diving (which I bitched out in the middle of my certification), to bungee jumping (I could still never do that), to skydiving.

So, I decided that would be the perfect present. It seemed so far away…Such a good idea for a present, but I kept mentally putting it off because the day that I actually was going to have to do it seemed so distant. And then it started creeping closer and closer. Secretly, I was getting anxiety about this verbal commitment I had made to him in Atlanta over Christmas break. I kept scooting around actually buying the tickets. Until the Wednesday before I promised him we would go (Saturday). I had to buy them. I couldn’t not do it after he had repeatedly told everyone, “Kendall and I are jumping out of a plane together!”

Then Thursday came, still mentally putting it off. Then Friday. And I got really scared. I was texting my friend Kendal telling her I didn’t think I could do it. It was all too real. “Kendal, I can’t even get on a fucking ladder. I am freaking out. What do I do?”

“Kendall, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. I wish I was doing it.”

“Ugh.”

Then I get this text from her. A quote she had stumbled across at some point in time.

“When it feels scary to jump, that’s exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life. And that I can’t do” -J.C. Chandor

And I swear to God, the moment I read this, I knew I could do it. Something clicked in my mind. And I started thinking about all of the things in my life that I haven’t done because of fear. All of the things I haven’t accomplished because I was scared. Scared of failure. Scared of letting someone down. Scared of taking a risk. And then that quote that everyone has heard a million times, by FDR, finally meant something to me.

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” -FDR

I mean how many times have you heard that quote and thought “yeah that’s so true,” and then never given it anymore thought?  I know I have countless times. But I never applied it to my life, never thought it could truly impact me until this past Friday.

Then I jumped.

Saturday, January 17, 2015, it happened. I conquered one of my greatest fears I’ve ever had. Connor and I drove 70 miles away from Fort Worth to a little, tiny government-owned airport in Caddo Mills, TX, geared up, and got into an airplane. We didn’t really have any training except to lean back, hips first, and kick Rick, my instructor, in the butt so our legs wouldn’t be fighting each other.

Rick and I, Connor and his instructor, and a pilot all filed into the smallest plane I have ever seen. It looked like it was made when the Wright Brothers first got an airplane in the air….but I just took deep breaths. I didn’t ever let myself say “I’m scared.” It just wasn’t an option. Because I knew the minute that I did, the jump wouldn’t happen that day.

It would never happen.

I once again would be conquered and controlled by my fears.

And that’s something I couldn’t do. Not this time. Not again.

So, the pilot starts pressing the peddles, pulling knobs, the plane shakes, I’m looking at my starred converses, then look to the side and we are well off the ground. I start getting a little nervous, which I think is normal. I have Rick with the GoPro in my face, asking me how I feel, did I “have anything to say to those who will be watching?” kind of adding the the tension, but it kept me from thinking “holy shit, holy shit, I am about to jump out of a plane. I can’t do this. I won’t. I’m sorry. Connor you just go.”

None of that ever crossed my mind. I just kept my eyes on the prize and then the pilot yells, “30 SECONDS!!!!!” and Rick tells me to sit up on my knees and straps me to him really tightly. For the first time he gets serious.

“Everything is going to be okay. Relax. Have fun. I have done this over 3000 times. This is not my first rodeo. I have you strapped here, here, here and here. Four places. Very secure. You cannot get away from me. Take deep breaths. This is going to be one hell of an experience. Enjoy!!! Let’s do this”

And he un-Velcros the door of the aircraft. It is freezing, windy, and loud. But he prepared me for this, so it was okay. Then I stick my leg out of the plane, put my knee on the edge of the ledge, Rick grabbed me and said “one, two, three” and rolled me out of the plane on my side like an egg.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

My stomach drops like going down that really big hill in Oxford, MS, and then I glide…The drop is over. I’m free falling. No parachute. Just this small white balloon-type-thing to stabilize us. I stuck my arms out, like wings, and for the first time, I felt like a little kid again. Feeling that sensation that everyone longs for their entire life… to fly. Like a bird in the sky. So free.

It all happened so fast, but the happiness that I was feeling is like none I had ever felt before. So many things went through my mind, like damn, this world is so big and I’m so small. For an instant, everything seemed to make sense. And then we landed and the jump was over; but the experiences that I got from that jump are something I will never forget. And for that, I will continuously thank myself, Rick, Connor, Kendal, and anyone else involved for getting me to jump that day.

And as I rode home, I thought to myself, how silly of me to have been afraid of things like not being able to hit a perfect backhand, or how crazy for me to be afraid of public speaking. Because all of those fears are figments of my imagination. If I could conquer the fear of actually being in danger, putting my life at some sort of risk, then something so small should never be able to hold me back again.

If you are like me, and you have been afraid, then I challenge you to do something that will push you. Make you uncomfortable. Make you scared.Then do the damn thing. Because that’s when you realize just how incredible the human mind is, and you finally become aware of all the possibilities in your life. You are finally in control.

Then drink a beer and celebrate your amazing accomplishment. You will certainly deserve it.

Cheers!

Kendall